A REALLY BIG SCREAM AND CRY /// 9/13/2010 11:34:00 PM
i hate myself seriously. last time, i was very moood swing and so emotional. every single friends care for me and some even feel tired of it. i am seriously sorry. trying to change for few month ago, thing didnt change at all. i make ppl feel tired, guilty ,some even cry becoz of me. i really feel very guilty of it. sometime even sit at the bed crying on myself.. i do not know how to overcome the fear of that" guiltyness". i always try to cover my mistake i make but neverless it still happen. u see for the past few month, did you see a change in me.i dont see a change in myself. thing always happen due to my tone, my words, my way of reacting. i do hate myself. i want to change but until the limit that i dunno who am i anymore. i have that" big communciation "problem with ppl around me. i hate myself for not expressing the word clearly enough to ppl. parent misunderstand me and dont understand me of how much i do want to go thailand. i know i am that person who even my parent say no. i still perserve to ask coz i really do hope to heard a answer"yes" from them. it too late now. all my effort of talking to them have gone case. i am sorry to react so attitude infront of my mother .making her very tired. i spoke to her on phone today and say sorry to her. but for father, i really dont know how to talk to him without he showing temper every single time. i know i have been pretty rebellious nowaday but i didnt mean it. i am sincerely sorry. i know i wrong to shouted back at my sister and brother. but u all will always say i wrong somehow. i know i wrong at that time but what i hope so much for is a person there to heard what i saying now and whyi react like this. it getting tougher now.i became so fragile now. going to break any time in soon.
keep on crying and crying but that is the way to express it out . tear that how sad i am now. i hate myself for hurting everyone of them around me. i am really sorry.
sincerely post by jia yi.
Amanda♥